Tapwotsaw is a god.

It takes the form of a small, bad-tempered alligator.

Tapwotsaw created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapwotsaw, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tapwotsaw, it will make you grow a tail.

Tapwotsaw's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Tapwotsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tapwotsaw.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Hide if six gulls approach from the west.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.