Bidsatlop is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, ill-tempered crab.

Bidsatlop created the planet Earth seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidsatlop, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bidsatlop, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bidsatlop's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Bidsatlop's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect six tin sculptures of Bidsatlop on top of important buildings.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. You must never eat bread.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.