Loopshavmad is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, pitiless horse.

Loopshavmad created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopshavmad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Loopshavmad, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Loopshavmad's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Loopshavmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about aardvarks.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

4. Never hurt monkeys.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.