Cemtabarmnar is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, selfish badger.

Cemtabarmnar created an electron three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemtabarmnar, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cemtabarmnar, it will turn you into a dog.

Cemtabarmnar's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cemtabarmnar's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three pigs approach from the west.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Put Cemtabarmnar first in all things.