Dinmattardon is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, compassionate snake.

Dinmattardon created a down quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Dinmattardon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Dinmattardon, he will destroy your favourite star.

Dinmattardon's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Dinmattardon's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dinmattardon.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Put Dinmattardon first in all things.

5. Always pray immersed in water.