Figbitbell is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, strong seal.

Figbitbell created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figbitbell, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Figbitbell, she will turn you into a mouse.

Figbitbell's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Figbitbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear jumpers.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Figbitbell loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never mention goats.

5. Always help swans in need.