Bonksandmid Hivtalzig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, narcissistic hummingbird.

Bonksandmid Hivtalzig created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonksandmid Hivtalzig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bonksandmid Hivtalzig, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bonksandmid Hivtalzig's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bonksandmid Hivtalzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Bonksandmid Hivtalzig's name in vain.

2. Never feed apples to snakes while wearing gray boots.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not trade with those who eat figs.