Lagfligcedvig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, tiresome seal.

Lagfligcedvig created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagfligcedvig, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lagfligcedvig, it will come to you in dreams.

Lagfligcedvig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Lagfligcedvig's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Retreat if seven whales approach from the north.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.