Jarnhatcun is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, slow snake.

Jarnhatcun created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhatcun, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jarnhatcun, she will turn you into a plant.

Jarnhatcun's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Jarnhatcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Jarnhatcun loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

4. Always wear cyan.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.