Ganfotyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, generous wren.

Ganfotyarp created Asia twelve years ago.

If you believe in Ganfotyarp, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ganfotyarp, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ganfotyarp's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ganfotyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Ganfotyarp must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Ganfotyarp on top of important buildings.

3. Hide from violet pigs for they are unholy.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never talk about fire.