Janlaning Gudbarngep is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-powerful octopus.

Janlaning Gudbarngep created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janlaning Gudbarngep, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Janlaning Gudbarngep, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Janlaning Gudbarngep's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Janlaning Gudbarngep's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Janlaning Gudbarngep on top of all buildings.

4. Never laugh near tapirs.

5. Janlaning Gudbarngep loves shrews, so they must be honoured.