Tadhoncem is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, self-confident shrew.

Tadhoncem created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tadhoncem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tadhoncem, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tadhoncem's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Tadhoncem's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Hide if nine grasshopers approach from the west.

5. Do not kill swans.