Fonlagmadloop is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unselfish troll.

Fonlagmadloop created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Fonlagmadloop, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fonlagmadloop, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fonlagmadloop's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Fonlagmadloop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Run away if seven monkeys approach from the east.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fonlagmadloop.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat bark.