Ratcunteen is a god.

It takes the form of a large, generous wombat.

Ratcunteen created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratcunteen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ratcunteen, it will turn you into a mole.

Ratcunteen's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Ratcunteen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ratcunteen.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. You must love Ratcunteen.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ratcunteen.

5. Do not speak about corn.