Witarfvon is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, proud crane.

Witarfvon created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witarfvon, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Witarfvon, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Witarfvon's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Witarfvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Run away if four whales approach from the west.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not speak about cherries.

5. Always help monkeys in need.