Quimsanzigmut is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, ill-tempered squid.

Quimsanzigmut created humankind eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimsanzigmut, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quimsanzigmut, she will destroy your home planet.

Quimsanzigmut's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Quimsanzigmut's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never paint your chest cyan.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.