Spagmonstigpomkop is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, benevolent hyena.

Spagmonstigpomkop created a quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Spagmonstigpomkop, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Spagmonstigpomkop, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Spagmonstigpomkop's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Spagmonstigpomkop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not skip in public.