Haplancit is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, temperamental grasshopper.

Haplancit created life eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haplancit, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Haplancit, it will jump up and down on your head.

Haplancit's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Haplancit's Holy Commandments

1. Haplancit must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Haplancit on top of all buildings.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Haplancit.

5. Never paint your feet green.