Haszighambapbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a large, merciless coyote.

Haszighambapbonk created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Haszighambapbonk, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Haszighambapbonk, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Haszighambapbonk's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Haszighambapbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Haszighambapbonk on top of all buildings.

2. Haszighambapbonk loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Run away if five foxes approach from the west.

4. Retreat if six squirrels approach from the south.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.