Zigwanhon is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unsympathetic finch.

Zigwanhon created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigwanhon, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zigwanhon, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Zigwanhon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Zigwanhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.