Talcem is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, sage mongoose.

Talcem created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talcem, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Talcem, it will turn you into a hamster.

Talcem's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Talcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. You must never eat spinach.

3. Worship no other gods but Talcem.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.