Tonkwitsantetti is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unselfish jaguar.

Tonkwitsantetti created a bottom quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkwitsantetti, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkwitsantetti, it will destroy your favourite star.

Tonkwitsantetti's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tonkwitsantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never laugh in the presence of tortoises.

5. Never run near mice.