Matpasget Bogbomstafwap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, egotistical crab.

Matpasget Bogbomstafwap created life two million years ago.

If you believe in Matpasget Bogbomstafwap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Matpasget Bogbomstafwap, he will destroy your home solar system.

Matpasget Bogbomstafwap's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Matpasget Bogbomstafwap's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat aubergines.

2. Matpasget Bogbomstafwap must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Never feed gooseberries to snails while wearing fawn scarves.

5. Respect your elders.