Cublakhivtan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, compassionate dolphin.

Cublakhivtan created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cublakhivtan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cublakhivtan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cublakhivtan's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Cublakhivtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shorts.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Never talk about asteroids.