Flapjabhit is a god.

It takes the form of a large, narcissistic seal.

Flapjabhit created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapjabhit, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flapjabhit, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Flapjabhit's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Flapjabhit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Put Flapjabhit first in all things.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about gravity.