Funkabtar is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless turtle.

Funkabtar created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funkabtar, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Funkabtar, she will make you grow a tail.

Funkabtar's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Funkabtar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Funkabtar loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not take Funkabtar's name in vain.

4. Never feed grapes to great tits while wearing magenta hats.

5. Retreat if eight mites approach from the north.