Satbesstag is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, slow dryad.

Satbesstag created a top quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Satbesstag, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Satbesstag, he will jump up and down on your head.

Satbesstag's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Satbesstag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Satbesstag.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never feed gooseberries to mites while wearing fawn boots.