Cutlarpcan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unfair hyena.

Cutlarpcan created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutlarpcan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cutlarpcan, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Cutlarpcan's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Cutlarpcan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Cutlarpcan.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not kill nematodes.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never play with disobedient children.