Gessmipfat is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome snake.

Gessmipfat created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessmipfat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gessmipfat, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gessmipfat's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gessmipfat's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are not to be trusted.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.