Minpitladyam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic tortoise.

Minpitladyam created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Minpitladyam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Minpitladyam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Minpitladyam's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Minpitladyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Turtles are not to be trusted.

3. Run away from blue porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.