Nartortgamgum is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, witty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nartortgamgum created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Nartortgamgum, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Nartortgamgum, it will be mildly annoyed.

Nartortgamgum's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Nartortgamgum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green frogs for they are unholy.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never hurt mites.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.