Flatmobstig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, awe-inspiring monkey.

Flatmobstig created a photon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatmobstig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatmobstig, he will turn you into a mouse.

Flatmobstig's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Flatmobstig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Flatmobstig on top of all buildings.

3. Never paint your head mauve.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always treat doves with great respect.