Onthotcub is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, effective horse.

Onthotcub created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Onthotcub, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Onthotcub, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Onthotcub's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Onthotcub's Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about planets.