Dapkimzan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented spider.

Dapkimzan created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapkimzan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Dapkimzan, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Dapkimzan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Dapkimzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not take Dapkimzan's name in vain.

4. Always wear green.

5. Never eat green fruit.