Gatyoklarnnel is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid beaver.

Gatyoklarnnel created life seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatyoklarnnel, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gatyoklarnnel, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gatyoklarnnel's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Gatyoklarnnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear ear rings.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never go into red rooms.

4. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair black.