Guptuncab is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, generous crane.

Guptuncab created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Guptuncab, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Guptuncab, she will turn you into a slug.

Guptuncab's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Guptuncab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.