Bemquamnak is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, astonishing toad.

Bemquamnak created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemquamnak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemquamnak, he will remove you from existence.

Bemquamnak's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Bemquamnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into fawn rooms.

2. Always help sick turtles.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick otters.

5. Pray towards the south.