Latcunlambast is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless dove.

Latcunlambast created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Latcunlambast, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Latcunlambast, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Latcunlambast's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Latcunlambast's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Hide if five monkeys approach from the west.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Latcunlambast loves ants, so they must be honoured.