Sugtafnanfatpangcib is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, narcissistic crab.

Sugtafnanfatpangcib created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sugtafnanfatpangcib, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sugtafnanfatpangcib, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Sugtafnanfatpangcib's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Sugtafnanfatpangcib's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Erect six titanium sculptures of Sugtafnanfatpangcib on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Sugtafnanfatpangcib on top of all buildings.