Jenparktag Miftargbisswip is a god.

He takes the form of a small, competent badger.

Jenparktag Miftargbisswip created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenparktag Miftargbisswip, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jenparktag Miftargbisswip, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jenparktag Miftargbisswip's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jenparktag Miftargbisswip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to ducks while wearing purple rings.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.