Ontzimrip is a god.

She takes the form of a small, quiet crow.

Ontzimrip created a photon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontzimrip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ontzimrip, she will turn you into a slug.

Ontzimrip's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Ontzimrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Never skip near shrews.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ontzimrip.

5. Ontzimrip must be the most important thing in your life.