Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, witless hedgehog.

Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must pray to Sitgabtonk Bedjarntap three times a day.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.