Tartapbonk is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, unsympathetic pigeon.

Tartapbonk created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tartapbonk, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tartapbonk, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tartapbonk's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tartapbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always look after injured tortoises.