Wapvilnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, generous clam.

Wapvilnurt created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Wapvilnurt, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Wapvilnurt, he will be mildly annoyed.

Wapvilnurt's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Wapvilnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Never talk about ducks.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never eat green fruit.