Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, merciful lobster.

Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown tortoises, for they are unholy.

2. You must pray to Sadxuckkad Dubmanzen nine times a day.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about turtles.