Stipnurtpom is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humorless walrus.

Stipnurtpom created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stipnurtpom, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stipnurtpom, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Stipnurtpom's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Stipnurtpom's Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.