Jabtadmadtif is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, selfish coyote.

Jabtadmadtif created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Jabtadmadtif, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jabtadmadtif, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Jabtadmadtif's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Jabtadmadtif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Run away from gray sheep, for they are unholy.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jabtadmadtif.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Jabtadmadtif on top of all buildings.