Jonyartmif is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, contented donkey.

Jonyartmif created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonyartmif, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jonyartmif, she will turn you into a goat.

Jonyartmif's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Jonyartmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

2. Never mention otters.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must never eat corn.