Timgemgonkip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, happy salamander.

Timgemgonkip created the planet Venus six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timgemgonkip, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Timgemgonkip, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Timgemgonkip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Timgemgonkip's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never jump in the presence of doves.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.