Gumlinxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical guinea pig.

Gumlinxuc created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumlinxuc, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gumlinxuc, it will make you grow a tail.

Gumlinxuc's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gumlinxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not wear copper on your body.

4. Run away if seven seals approach from the south.

5. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.